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Joke of the Day

"My grandmother said she would give birth to my mother when the time machine was invented. Apparently she lied."

"I love how they put Mexican translations on condom wrappers Like they use condoms anyway"

"The best way to avoid awkward moments with homeless people is to ask them for money before they ask you."

"Personnel Director: What would you do if you broke your arm in two places? Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!"

"Why was the horse farmer arrested? He was raising a colt."

"If I was in StarWars I would probably just be that guy that keeps turning his lightsaber on and off and on and off like a pen."

"My ransom was dropped from $30,000 to fifty bucks when my parents told my kidnappers it'd take 2 days to come up with the money."

"Why is horse racing so romantic? Because the horse hugs the rails the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!"

"A guy walks into a bar ouch If you didn't get it think about in literal terms"

"How many egoists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They simply hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them."