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Joke of the Day

"My ransom was dropped from $30,000 to fifty bucks when my parents told my kidnappers it'd take 2 days to come up with the money."

"Having to hide your euphoria when a friend says ""I'm going to have to cancel tonight"""

"I took my item up to the counter. ""I'd like to return this,"" I said, with a tear in my eye, ""It didn't work."" He said, ""I'm sorry. We can't do that with condoms."""

"What is better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ!"

"Some people make remarks about my dandruff. I just brush it off."

"Tony the Tiger knows that Chuck Norris is G-R-E-A-T!"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two. The trouble's getting them in there."

"I wish I grew up during the Great Depression That way every Sunday was soup or bowl Sunday"

"ME What's a penguins favourite relative? Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN . . ME [makes flies over head motion] PENGUIN I don't know what that means"

"If only the person that named ""walkie talkies"" had been in charge of naming so many more household objects."