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Joke of the Day

"I just want to apologize to all the guys I dated BEFORE I started using Prozac. And to their wives. And their local fire departments."

"Donald Trump Finally something worse than Twilight"

"Did you hear the one.... Did you hear the one about the dad who told his son if you masterbate too much you'll go blind. The son looks at his dad and says, ""Dad I'm over here!"""

"I love ""Choose your own adventures"" because my two favorite things are reading and blaming myself."

"Schizophrenia I`m in two minds about it"

"what did a crab say to another crab on christmas hey sandy claws"

"April showers bring the May flowers. What do the May Flowers bring? Pilgrims"

"Harassment Teacher: Frame a sentence using the word 'Harassment'. . . . Johnny: I was in love with a girl and Her Ass Meant a lot to me......."

"What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you."

"My husband's doing that cute thing again where he thinks he's right. *throws his shit out on the lawn* *makes a bonfire*"