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Joke of the Day

"Weird, started flirting in this bar and for some reason 4 guys just killed themselves."

"Don't feel like going to the gym? Go to all your ex's facebook pages and see who they're dating now. Then go to the gym."

"Operator: 999, emergency services. Which service do you require? Me: Oh! Don't mind me, I was just cleaning cake off the touch screen."

"Boy calls911 Boy calls 911. Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"If the people in your car don't match the stick figures on your rear window, I'll report your vehicle stolen."

"I wish my grass was emo..... So it would cut itself"

"Why do feminists hate Apple? Because they're not PC."

"Why do owners of muffler shops sleep so good at night? They're exhausted."

"What do you call Batman when he skips church? Christian Bale"

"[shitty joke incoming] A man just woke up from brain surgery... Where he got a brain tumor removed. When the doctor asked if he was okay he said he felt light headed."