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Joke of the Day

"Weird, started flirting in this bar and for some reason 4 guys just killed themselves."

"Q: How does a wizard keep his potions safe from burglary? A: With a warlock."

"It'd be nice if the pre-requisite to being a politician in the United States of America didn't involve being a lying sack of shit."

"HAMLET:*Draws sword* How now! a rat?? *stabs curtain* LORD POLONIUS: O, I am slain! This is the w'rst game of hideth and seeketh ev'r *dies*"

"What did the prostitute say after fucking Jesus? Nailed it!"

"What kind of bugs bother sporting dogs? Ath-fleats!"

"You could put me in any city, and I could find a Taco Bell or Chipotle within minutes. My burridar is accurate to about 10 meters."

"I got my wisdom teeth out solely to make a cute viral video of what I said coming out of anaesthesia, but I used the N-word too many times."

"""Pres. Trump, how do you plan to respond to this attack on our soil?"" TRUMP: OK first, I've seen several people call me Tronald Dump online"

"My biggest fear is that I have already discovered time travel and I will bump into myself and spoil the surprise."