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Joke of the Day

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? ""Its a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."""

"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ""You're next."" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

"Your first instinct is gonna to be to spell ""leopard"" and ""deaf"" correctly. You're going to want to resist that. Best band manager ever."

"hello poison control. i need some poison asap, my kid is being a real piece of shit. yes i'll hold."

"Condescending Joke You"

"Why do cows have hooves? Because they lac-tose!"

"What do you call it when two Mexicans were in a car accident and one had both legs amputated? Juan and a half"

"If your wife is Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in."

"What type of cheese can you see in a mirror? Halloumi! (Hello me)"

"Don't know whether to be disturbed or enchanted that the word sesquipedalian is onomatopoetic"