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Joke of the Day

"hello poison control. i need some poison asap, my kid is being a real piece of shit. yes i'll hold."

"There's two things I don't like about my sons new partner. He's black"

"Last time I went through Canadian customs and they asked me if I had anything to declare, I said, ""You guys make great maple syrup!"""

"Hey guys is your refrigerator running? Because I don't like any of the current presidential candidates"

"There was a fire yesterday at my local thrift store A person died of secondhand smoke"

"my friend put me in charge of picking up the wedding cake today LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL RIP CAKE"

"I checked my hotel room for left behind goods and all I found was this lousey comb. I guess you could say my room was bugged."

"[me adjusting paintball mask] it's too bad we aren't on the same team date: yeah"

"Say what you want about Cannibals but they have a great taste in people."

"What does a black policeman says when he looks in the mirror? Oh shit a cop!"