201809

Joke of the Day

"They say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but I'm at Applebee's & have a dead mouse in my pocket that says otherwise."

"The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband."

"Don't be russian Or you'll be stalin"

"Did you hear about that guy who had his penis enlarged? He's much cockier now."

"Doctor, Doctor!! I think my wife is dead. What do you mean you ""think"" she's dead, either she is or she isn't. Well, the sex is the same but the dishes in the sink are piling up."

"MOVIES: Ok, time for bed kiddo. *child kisses parents and goes to bed MY HOUSE: Time for bed. *mixed martial acrobatics is now a sport"

"""Siri, what are the side effects of Valium?"" I mumbled into the tv remote."

"Proper grammar is the difference... ... between knowing your shit and not knowing you're shit."

"What's black and looks good on a lawyer? An unconvicted felon."

"Why is there so much tension in Iraq? They Haven't Broke the Isis yet."