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Joke of the Day
"The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband."
Next Joke
"Jimmy don't jack off, you'll go blind. Little Jimmy's dad walks into his son's room and says, ""Jimmy don't jack off, you'll go blind."" Little Jimmy: ""Dad I'm over here, in the living room..."""
"one time my cousin greg put on two jean jackets and he exploded, there was mustache everywhere"
"What do you call unborn twins? Wombmates."
"Two tampons are walking down the street. One is a name brand, and the other is generic. Which one talks to you first? Neither. They're stuck up bitches."
"[Date] Me: tell me about yourself Her: I'm really vegan Me: oh no Her: and I have a kid Me: oh no Her: his name is Kale Me: ohhh noo"
"What's the hardest part about rollerblading? Breaking it to your parents that you're gay."
"I've got a new job putting make-up on turds It's pretty shit."
"TIL: 9 out of 10 people addicted to drinking break fluid... can't stop."
"How do you tell if someone's an introvert? Don't worry, they'll tell you."