163300

Joke of the Day

"Doctor, Doctor!! I think my wife is dead. What do you mean you ""think"" she's dead, either she is or she isn't. Well, the sex is the same but the dishes in the sink are piling up."

Next Joke
 
"[first date] HER: if you had to give up one of your senses which one would you choose? ME: definitely my ability to see dead people. HER:"
"Me: hope ur soccer team wins the great fork American: What Me: the good plate American: the super bowl Me: i knew it was a kitchen something"
"Priest: Marriage lasts until death. You're not married in heaven. Me: Why not? Wife: Then we'd be in hell."
"Elephant circumcision... ...The pay's rubbish but the tips are enormous."
"I'm ready to be a father now that I've successfully fed a goldfish for a week-he's so happy, he's relaxing & floating on his back...wait..."
"A mexican is on your front lawn bleeding out and calling for help. what do you do? Reload."
"""Knock Knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""A law"" ""A law who?"" ""Allahu Akbar"""
"Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers."
"[I open my lunchbox to find flask of whisky] But that means.... [Cut to my 4 y/o opening her lunchbox to find a flask of whisky]"