201705

Joke of the Day

"Nerd Joke Man walks into a bar and days ""Bartender, I'll have an H2O."" His friend says ""Ill have some H2O, too"" His friend dies."

"Set my phone to change K to Okay!! so I don't look rude. Now it looks like I'm all excited about stupid shit, and I'm Okay!! with that."

"I was thinking of getting myself Cryogenically frozen but now I have cold feet"

"I always wanted to be Batman when I was younger. Not because of the money or the gadgets. I just hated my parents."

"I was just about to go and remind my neighbour to slam all of his car doors as many times as possible in five minutes, but there's no need."

"I almost hit a deer tonight. But then he took back what he said about my mom and we hugged it out. Back to having zero haters, feels good."

"If gingers are pale because they have no soul... Does that explain why black people have so much soul?"

"Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button."

"before mcdonald's i bet ""don't buy cheeseburgers from a clown"" was a pretty hard and fast rule"

"How many men from the US swim team does it take to open a door? Just one if its lochte'd"