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Joke of the Day

"I wish my best friend would leave his cheating whore of a wife. Then I wouldn't feel so guilty for sleeping with her all the time."

"Sorry I was cleaning my phone screen and accidentally took 37 selfies."

"I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It's obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola."

"I was going to go to a clairvoyants meeting the other day but.... it was cancelled due to unforeseen events."

"What do a tornado and a black man have in common? They both can ruin a neighborhood."

"I like my women like I like my rice.... ....Hot, white, and lifeless."

"I just grilled a chicken for 8 hours. And it still didn't tell me why it crossed the road."

"Did you hear about the houses that fell in love? It was a lawn-distanced relationship"

"Desperate to get laid, so I'm going to my next Halloween party dressed as a giant anus ...I hear that hot girls love having sex with assholes"

"You know, I frankly don't find Isaac Newton's work all that original. I mean, half of his works were all derivatives anyway."