201604

Joke of the Day

"Whenever someone dies they always tell me God called them home so that's why I'll never give Jesus my real phone number."

"My boss: Are you on Twitter? Me: I've never heard of it. Is it a drug? Why would you ask? Am I acting funny? Maybe you're acting funny."

"I think we're looking at the NSA spying thing the wrong way, there are potential positives. Soon if you forget your email password you'll be able to ring the CIA and they'll remind you."

"The new football stadium can hold more than 66,000 fans... Sounds pretty cold and windy to me."

"I always use incognito mode when looking at porn and video game walkthroughs. I don't want my wife to think I'm a cheater."

"write your suicide note in frosting on a cake so no one can eat it and people will still hate you even though you are dead"

"My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on."

"What is it called when a cow is unwillingly milked? **Moo**lestation"

"All the king's horses and men stand over Humpty. Puzzled, they go back to reading the IKEA instructions."

"Cuban I asked my grandmother for ""something Cuban"" for my birthday, and she had got me a Che Guevara shirt. Clothes, but no cigar."