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Joke of the Day

"My boss: Are you on Twitter? Me: I've never heard of it. Is it a drug? Why would you ask? Am I acting funny? Maybe you're acting funny."

"why does everyone scream when they see you? because your ugly!"

"What kind of people should you stay away from? Trees. They're quite shady."

"Wife: You should cut the grass. Me: Yes, dear. W: And, you really need to trim that bush. M: *mumbles* Yeah, you too. W: What? M: Yes, dear."

"The only word in the English language that is always pronounced wrong is........... Wrong"

"Shout out to little yappy dogs. Literally everything you bark at could eat you."

"I once visited The Virgin Islands. When I left, they were just called The Islands."

"What did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date? Shore."

"Don't open a store on Mt. Everest You'd be surprised how quickly things go downhill from there..."

"Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank they turn off the surveillence cameras"