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Joke of the Day

"write your suicide note in frosting on a cake so no one can eat it and people will still hate you even though you are dead"

"""What sins have you committed?"" Well... [20 minutes later] ... finally fit my whole fist up there. I shit you not. Father? *vomiting sound*"

"My friend asked me to name my top 5 Coldplay songs... And they were all yellow."

"Why are there so many Johnson in he phone book? They all have phones."

"This woman I met last night says she wants a guy who is ""spontaneous and fun"". Yet when I tapped on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it is all panic and screaming."

"When the guy at Subway asks what type of bread you'd like, say cookies. When he laughs, ask to speak to the manager."

"What do you call a Mexican on a bridge? Spic and span"

"I never considered typos to be that big of a deal until the day I dialed 921."

"A new book for stoners aspiring to greatness 7 Habits of Effectively High People"

"Why did the Chicken Cross the Basketball Court? He Heard the Ref was Blowing Fouls"