201420

Joke of the Day

"When I see names carved into a tree I don't think it's cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date."

"afraid Alone in my room and and thinking someone is also there lol."

"ME: Michaelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel on his back? GF: Yep M: [2 hours later] How did he reach the bit between his shoulders?"

"[On date] Her - ""so your profile said you like classical music? I love Mozart & Bach, how about you?"" Me - ""Jurassic Park theme"""

"I told my girlfriend that I wanted to be cremated.. I then told my family that I had no specific burial requests, just make sure that they don't have me cremated, no matter what."

"What did the cannibalistic lion do? Swallow his pride."

"[picking name for new puppy] 13: Pixie. 16: Rosie. Wife: Annie. Me: BATMAN!"

"Just imagine if Usain Bolt was your father and you were trying to run away from a beating."

"What is the densest metal on Earth? Donald Trump."

"What do you call a bunch of stereotypical Americans running? Nothing, it never happens."