201213

Joke of the Day

"Therapist: what's upsetting you? Wife: he's always using common phrases incorrectly Me: cry me a table, Linda"

"When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again."

"Ferguson PD plans on removing all German Shepard k-9 units Turns out Germans aren't the problem. They're going to replace them with coon dogs"

"If you assume all turtlenecks have sleeves, prepare to have your world rocked when this jacket comes off."

"My girlfriend asked me what I feel about being with her. I told her what I truly feel. Numbness radiating down my left arm."

"I helped a little old lady at the market today.. She was too short to grab a box of cereal from the top shelf, so I stood on her shoulders!"

"50,000 battered women in America every year.. and I've been eating mine plain this whole time."

"Jaws (1975): A shark is murdered on his vacation."

"What do a slinky and your mother in law have in common? They're both fun to watch tumble down stairs."

"What does Hulk say when he poops? IBM!"