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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend asked me what I feel about being with her. I told her what I truly feel. Numbness radiating down my left arm."

"Teacher - if my cup is half full, what does that mean? Student - that you need a smaller bra!"

"Wanna see new features on your TV that you never knew existed? Let a baby play with the remote for about 12 seconds."

"I invented a new word! Plagiarism!"

"Writing a personal ad. So far I have: Has all own teeth"

"Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years"

"Help me make a joke to this punchline... (optional type of) science isn't an exact science."

"CNN is fucked if their viewers ever discover they can access the Internet on their own."

"I have a friend who doesn't drink coffee, so to stay alert at work he gets a healthy amount of sleep each night. What a loser"

"What do you call a group of crows dressed as geese? A murder most fowl"