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Joke of the Day

"What do a slinky and your mother in law have in common? They're both fun to watch tumble down stairs."

"If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard."

"What did the physicist say when his wife wanted to go jewelery shopping? ""I don't have the energy for this."""

"What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa knows to stop after three Ho's."

"I wore a pedometer for a week. Good news -- I'm not a pedo."

"Please continue to tell me how the life you created for yourself is so miserable instead of taking actual steps to change it."

"My girlfriend said she needs time and distance does that mean she is calculating velocity?"

"Why can't you find any painkillers in the jungle? Because the Paracetomol"

"I completely understand parents who choose not to vaccinate their children... ...because they all got vaccinated as children, and obviously turned out retarded."

"Doc- it appears that you take everything way to seriously. You need to get your shit togeth... Oh no, what are you doing! No! Stop!"