200810

Joke of the Day

"OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew."

"What is worse than Spygate? Deflate-Gate"

"Giraffes were invented in 1780 when three horses accidentally swallowed a ladder"

"Do you know what Pinocchio and your dad have in common? They were both inside a whale."

"After just starting uni, I have decided I don't like referencing. I don't like it et al."

"How do you kill an African child? Wait 5 minutes."

"I have a confession to make: I masturbate in the shower. It feels good to come clean."

"Britain's fattest man has died aged 33. ""This tragic news will affect us all deeply,"" said Roger Whiteside, CEO of Greggs."

"LIFE HACK: If ur phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, rice will attract Asians who will fix ur electronics for you"

"Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ""Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?"""