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Joke of the Day

"Anyone watch story on the news about the corduroy pillows? It's making all the headlines."

"Game Teacher: Peter, why r u late for school again? Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football & the game went into extra time."

"What do chefs do when they are cooking in an emergency? They take drastic measures."

"What's big and ugly and drinks out of the wrong side of the glass? A monster trying to get rid of hiccups."

"What did the homophobic dad say when he heard his gay son was in a coma? At least he's a vegetable now instead of a fruit."

"If the guy behind me stands any closer I'm going to go in for a hug."

"A little boy comes running to his mother.. ""I went into the bathroom and the light came on without me touching anything!"" ""Oh you idiot, you've pissed in the fucking fridge again."""

"With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year... You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Happy Thanksgiving!"

"You know your life sucks when... Your job sucks, Your kids suck, And your wife doesn't."

"This guy came up to me and said he needed a glass of water but his pants were on fire so, he probably was lying about needing it."