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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't George RR Martin use twitter? Because he killed all 144 characters -stolen from /r/gameofthrones"

"Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes"

"I shouldn't. Ambien: YES. You should. But I'm naked. A: EXACTLY. Ok, fine. *stands up* I HAVE A REASON THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE WED!"

"Saying ""excape ""makes me wanna stab you in the ""exophagus""."

"Who was the first to see a cow and think ""I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"""

"Small mirror that attaches to head of a phone so you can peripherally experience real life while you're live tweeting it."

"Why did the black med student wait all day at the rear entrance of the student cafeteria? Because his professor told his class they were going to spend the entire next day at a bacteria conference."

"Cop: ""Sir, what's in the bottle next to you? Me: ""It's water"" Cop: ""Sir, this is wine"" Me: ""What? Jesus! He did it again!"""

"I'm not sure if this clerk is smiling at me bc he knows I'm high or bc we're both high, but it's been 6 minutes and we're still just smiling"

"What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms? 2Na"