200713

Joke of the Day

"[Founding Fathers] -But how do we get court witnesses 2 tell the truth? -They swear on a bible? -Thats stupid -Hey lunch's here -Done[gavel]"

"What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes? Shut up."

"Did you hear about the chocolate bar burglar?! The police are trying to catch him, but he's always got a few Twix up his sleeve!"

"A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a shitzu."

"Why is it good news that Aroldis Chapman moved to the Yankees? Because pitchers don't hit in the American League!"

"What did Shakespeare name his pet pig? Hamlet."

"Gandalf was an alien. It's right there in his name: Gandalf the GREY. Wake up, sheeple!"

"""If I weigh 400 pounds and can lift 600 pounds, shouldn't I be able to fly by lifting the chair I'm sitting in?"""

"Oh, your kid gets straight A's at school? That's cool. My son knows exactly what to do in case of a zombie apocalypse."

"Houses in detroit are a lot like cheap ugly hookers... Only $1, but still no one wants them."