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Joke of the Day

"What did Shakespeare name his pet pig? Hamlet."

"Why did the Frenchman not want two eggs for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf."

"You know you're getting old when you can't tell the difference between a heart attack and an orgasm."

"Waiter can you get rid of this fly in my starter ! I can't do that sir he's not had his main course yet !"

"Those signs that say ""Slow children playing"" When they grow up become ""Slow men working"""

"If I could have one superpower it would be knowing definitively if people like me or not"

"How can you tell if someone is a chemistry major? They have a mole on their body."

"Did you hear about the man who was using apples and oranges for flooring? He started to lay them down when he realized it was fruit-tile."

"My contact lenses just fell out and fell down the toilet.. Now I can't see sh!t."

"What's the hardest part about eating a vegtable? The wheelchair."