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Joke of the Day

"I'm so hungry that I can eat a Centaur"

"Why is George Clooney unhappy with his sex life now? Because he married her under the impression that Anal was her nickname"

"My husband gets so mad when I introduce him as my first husband."

"I painted my laptop black so it would run faster... ...but now it doesn't work."

"I hate it when TV shows say they contain ""adult situations"" but then don't show anyone going to a job they hate, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid's vomit."

"Dude, did you hear Willy Nelson's gone..? Yeah..he's on the road again."

"People used to laugh at me when I would say ""I want to be a comedian"", well nobody's laughing now"

"I always imagined myself growing old with an archeologist, at least that way I'd know His interest in me would increase over time."

"So it turns out that fat bearded man whose lap I was sitting on at the mall wasn't Santa. LOL drugs."

"A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""We don't serve food here."""