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Joke of the Day

"I painted my laptop black so it would run faster... ...but now it doesn't work."

"When I say ""It's a long story,"" it doesn't mean it's actually a long story. It means I just don't want to tell you."

"I get high before I get my Drivers License pic taken. That way I look normal if I'm pulled over."

"Neat how we spend so much time and money on the war against pot but there are people driving around with eyelashes and antlers on their cars"

"Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote? They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting."

"Two muffins are baking in an oven. The first muffin says, ""wow, it's really getting hot in here."" The second muffin says, ""Wow... a talking muffin ! """

"I milked the cow ""We don't have a cow"" the neighbors' cow then ""Their cat?"" Pretty sure it was a cow he was saying moo ""Meow"" Ah shoot"

"Jokes about wife. First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive. LOL"

"I put a sock on my doorknob To let people know I'm getting busy with another sock."

"""What's the difference between sin and shame?"" ""It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out."""