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Joke of the Day

"I always imagined myself growing old with an archeologist, at least that way I'd know His interest in me would increase over time."

Next Joke
 
"You only live once? False, you live everyday. You only die once."
"Getty Yup! Cowboy: ""Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."" Cashier: ""Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"" Cowboy: ""Nah.... She ain't that ugly."""
"Do you know how Rihanna can tell when Chris has been cheating on her? He has someone else's lipstick on his knuckles."
"I looked at my girlfriend this morning... And said, ""Hey babe! Name me a [hypocorism](http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hypocorism)."" To which she rolled her eyes and said, ""Honey..."""
"Right now the parents of the kid who climbed Trump Tower are thinking ""Damn I knew we shouldn't have given him that REI gift card"""
"Every girl has 3 guys in her life: one she loves, one she hates, and the one she can't live without. But in the end, it's the same guy!"
"I believe that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs."
"Me: Thanks for the sex. Me: You're welcome. Me: Maybe next time we can have another person in the room. Me: That'd be nice."
"Your honor, if you watch the tape in reverse you can clearly see the officer planting the evidence in my vehicle."