200466

Joke of the Day

"I'm like a Ferrero Rocher in that I'm quite nutty and go down nicely with wine. I also come in family size."

"Just watched a dog chase its tail for 10 min., thought ""damn so easily entertained"" then realized I watched a dog chase his tail for 10 min."

"Her: How would you describe that green sheep? Me: I don't know. Olive ewe? Her: I knew you'd say it first! I love you too! Entrapment 101"

"I think my wife was sleeping with my boss so I changed jobs to prevent that from happening... One of the perks of being self-employed."

"I just bought my wife some new eyes, a new nose and a new mouth... I can't wait to see her face when she opens them."

"In the Ben Affleck version, Batman's parents kill themselves."

"Where does Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies"

"It should be legal to shoot people who speed up only to keep you from passing."

"What did the Klansman say to the Muslim? Psst...Who washes your ... sheets?"

"If I've learned one thing from watching horror movies, it's if you buy snacks from vending machines, you will die."