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Joke of the Day

"If I've learned one thing from watching horror movies, it's if you buy snacks from vending machines, you will die."

"Why couldn't Harry play basketball? Because he's got no arms."

"I was arrested yesterday for stealing eggs. I could've sworn they were free range."

"Two nuns are riding bicycles in Paris... One says, ""I've never come this way before."" The other replies, ""must be the cobblestones."""

"Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A: Virgin Mobile"

"What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch? I ate too many chickpeas, now I falafel."

"What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ? No one moved. They couldn't stir without her."

"A pirate goes to the doctor, worried the moles on his back are cancerous ""It's ok"" says the Doctor ""They're benign"" ""Count 'em again Doc"" says the pirate. ""I reckon there be at least ten"

"The official dance for my new mixtape has 3 steps... Stop, drop, and roll!"

"*quietly tries to open a bag of chips while son walks around looking for his bag of chips*"