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Joke of the Day

"I love those lanes at the store where you can just bag your groceries, make some beep-boop noises and walk out without paying."

"ME: Sorry boss, I can't make it in today. Because of Ebola. BOSS: You have Ebola? ME: No but someone does and I am FREAKING THE HELL OUT"

"Abortions occur when the Stork is flying over a ravine, gets tired of carrying things and says ""Fuck this."""

"What do Green Eggs and Ham, and Fifty Shades of Gray have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things."

"I like my men how I like my rum Smooth, dark, rich, and with a bunch of coke."

"What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a dirty bus station? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean"

"When is booger not a booger? When it('s not)."

"How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator? Step one: Open the door. Step two: Put the elephant in. Step three: Close the door."

"Today, I started on my second million dollars! I gave up on my first."

"Tarzan walk into his wife making dolma.. He then shouts: How many times I told you not to touch my underwear?!?!"