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Joke of the Day

"When your kids are little you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility."

"Went to my friend's house for a night of drinking... ...crashed on the couch. I was awoken in the middle of the night by my friend blowing chunks. Chunks is the family dog"

"What kind of cancer always stands by the government? Pro-state cancer."

"Only 4 days left to use this joke I hate it when people ask me where I see myself in 5 years time. I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

"Q. Where do tired linedancers go for Breakfast? A. Ihop"

"I would really appreciate it if everyone great would stop dying"

"""Did you remember to take the dog out?"" Ah crap, I forgot [Dog storms in] I sat at the restaurant for HOURS"

"If PETA is upset about Lady Gaga's meat dress, wait until they hear about what people do to that stuff in restaurant kitchens."

"Whenever I confront the messy baker I'm always walking on eggshells."

"Two fish swim into a concrete wall... The one fish turns to the other and says ""Damn""."