20019

Joke of the Day

"This bread is my meat, this wine is my blood... ... and this beer and milk are... -Master, that's enough, I ran out of ink!"

"When I was younger I wanted to rule the world. Now I just want to spell words close enough that autocorrect can figure out what I'm saying"

"At first I was angry... ...when all my friends began collecting stamps after I started. But then I remembered: imitation is the sincerest form of philately."

"How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning."

"Ever listen to the radio station WPMS? 3 weeks of the blues, one week of rag-time"

"What do you say when Kim Kardashian burns to the ground? Look at all that ash..."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but you have to wonder how they got in there."

"I appreciate it when someone tells me to just ""get over it"" when I'm depressed. It gives me a chance to exercise my grave digging skills."

"What did the U.S airdrop the the children of Syria? Dead parents"

"The year is 2016. Dads go out for a vape pen refill and never come back."