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Joke of the Day

"At first I was angry... ...when all my friends began collecting stamps after I started. But then I remembered: imitation is the sincerest form of philately."

"How do dogs own cats? bitches have pussies"

"Apparently the local fruit fly is a smoker..... She goes out every night for a drag."

"Schrodinger's cat walk into a bar And then it didnt."

"How do you piss off thousands of people on the internet all at once? [deleted]"

"isaac newtown got hit in the head & invented calculus. i broke my nose last night when I was drunk & invented a louder version of crying."

"What do you call an antelope that's really bad at being an antelope? A cantelope."

"Wife: My mom is watching our kids for the night. Me: Oh, baby. Do you know what we can do? *falls asleep at 7 p.m.*"

"Why is it so hard to sleep with Asian women? It can be a slippery slope."

"Why are kids with DS getting elected prom kings and queens? Either way, they're going down in history."