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Joke of the Day

"I appreciate it when someone tells me to just ""get over it"" when I'm depressed. It gives me a chance to exercise my grave digging skills."

"A midget walks into a bookstore... ...& asks clerk: 'do you happen to have any books on irony.' The clerk points to a shelf: 'top row.'"

"My Nephew's pet chicken died. I couldn't help asking if the funeral will be fried or roasted."

"I spent all day replacing the muffler on my car It was exhausting"

"""Is that a banana in ur pocket or are u just happy to see me haha"" [i pull a hand full of lasagna out of my pocket] ""Actually it's lasagna"""

"Me: How much for the selfie stick? Him: Sir, that's an Olsen twin. Me: I'll take it."

"Thanks to Twitter I now consider 140 characters ""literature""."

"If you want sex... A man tells his wife in bed that if she wants sex to reach over and pull on it once. If she doesn't, reach over and pull it 100 times."

"I bartered a ring for a shop vac All she does is suck up my wallet and spend all my money."

"Abs are for people who can't afford good food."