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Joke of the Day

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but you have to wonder how they got in there."

"A pirate walks into a bar... The bartender looks up and says ""Do you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your butt?"" The pirate responds, ""Yarrr, its driving me nuts."""

"Today, I lost my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about that..."

"Man at garage: ""Are you claiming this off your own insurance?"" Me: ""Yes. I don't think the deer I hit had any insurance."""

"I share a commute with three friends. Every weekday for the last 15 years I've driven into the city, taking the road that goes under the river. Now the doctor says I have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."

"Having a wife is like a grenade You pull the ring off, and your house is gone."

"I'm pretty gullible Or at least what they tell me"

"I was blind for a while after eye surgery. Those were dark times."

"What's E.T. short for? He's just got little legs."

"NURSE: I promise. It's ok. You can come in. MAILMAN (trembling): are..are you sure DR DOG: *locked in his office just going freakin nuts*"