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Joke of the Day

"How many Trump campaign managers does it take to change a lightbulb? Hopefully not very many because they keep getting fired."

"My girlfriend told me she is sick of me quoting movies all the time I said quite frankly my dear I don't give a damn"

"Girl are you a qwerty keyboard? Because U and I were meant to be together."

"My girlfriend isn't talking to me because apparently I ""ruined"" her birthday... ..I'm not sure how that's possible, I didn't even know it was her fucking birthday."

"I've come into a lot of money lately... It's a fetish I never knew I had until now."

"*loses beer *opens new beer *finds old beer *drinks 2 beers I win"

"I was trying to get over my fear of public speaking at a nudist colony. I just imagined everyone with their clothes on."

"*helps wife get toddler in his high chair* wife: That's a new shirt, let's put a bib on you me [wearing a bib] This is ridiculous"

"Rectangle? It nearly KILLEDtangle. ...I could totally write for kids' shows."

"Not really a joke Girl dyed her hair red, I asked ""does the carpet match the drapes? She said, no; ""Waxed hardwood floor"""