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Joke of the Day

"*loses beer *opens new beer *finds old beer *drinks 2 beers I win"

"""I've had enough of your shit"" ~ toilet paper on strike."

"When the guy at Subway asks what type of bread you'd like, say cookies. When he laughs, ask to speak to the manager."

"""Can I pet your dog?"" ""Sure, but he can be aggressive."" [He pushes a pamphlet about the dangers of gluten towards me with his nose]"

"Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's Dead."

"Windows - the only operating system that is compatible with all viruses."

"I Have plenty of girls who can suck, I'm looking for the one who can blow my mind."

"I told my Canadian friend that I ran zero miles today... she said that was 0K"

"A guy got run over by the PopeMobile yesterday. I guess he didn't see the sign that said ""Cross traffic does not stop."""

"Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous."