39455

Joke of the Day

"*helps wife get toddler in his high chair* wife: That's a new shirt, let's put a bib on you me [wearing a bib] This is ridiculous"

"Helen Keller wouldnt know what a dick was if it hit her in the face."

"The Judge said to the defendant. ""I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."" ""Your Honor"" the criminal said ""that's what I tried to tell the police but they wouldn't listen."""

"Why do you have to wait so long for a ghost train to come along? They only run a skeleton service."

"Dumb number jokes: What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt."

"My neighbors thought the tombstones in my yard were festive until they saw their pets' names scrawled on them."

"Not all wood floats Natalie wood, for example."

"My girlfriend in college left me for another woman. I completely misunderstood her when she said she was going to study a broad."

"If 2 wrongs don't make a right, what do 2 rights make? An airplane."

"Why did they skip Windows 9? Because 7 8 9!"