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Joke of the Day
"What kind of NUT would make a pie for THANKSGIVING?!? Pecan, typically."
Next Joke
"*waits until a bird falls asleep, quietly creeps beside it's nest* HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO ARE YOU AWAKE!?!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS!?!"
"Go to Starbucks - Order Coffee - Tell them your name is Waldo - Leave"
"Last night I dreamed I was eating a pillow When I woke up, my 10 pound marshmallow was gone."
"Her: Oh, please... You'll make a pass at anything in a skirt. Me: Yeah, last night a Scotsman nearly killed me!"
"I will never forget what my dear old Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, ""Grandson... how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""
"I wish I had the exciting social life my mom must have envisioned when she used to stitch my name into my underwear."
"What kind of turns do letters take? U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo."
"What's the difference between a thief and a pervert? A thief ~~steals~~ snatches your watch, a pervert watches your snatch. EDIT: I've done fucked it up."
"I hate shopping. No matter how much I try and buy supermarket conveyor belt dividers, the cashier keeps on putting them back!"