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Joke of the Day

"Rene Descartes walks into a bar The bartender says would you like a beer? Descartes says ""I think not"" and promptly vanishes."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING!"

"How many optimists does it take to change a light bulb? Who says it's dark?"

"I don't know why we have three different pig emojis but it's great for when you need to tell someone a pig is slowly approaching: "

"I've always wondered what lice do to you It's a real head scratcher"

"So a guy orders a pizza. . ..they ask him, ""would you like that cut into six pieces or eight? He says, ""Oh, six! I could never eat eight."""

"I was really disappointed with Walmart There were only four of them in stock."

"Q.When do you kick a midget in the balls? A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice ."

"Are the UK banning the export of cheese? I keep hearing on the radio about cheddar vans not being allowed overseas"

"Trying to make my teeth whiter, so I bought them a Subaru."