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Joke of the Day

"Two hefty guys are drinking in the pub, one says ""Your round."""

"Little does this young woman in the house behind mine who just closed the curtains know that it was the curtains I was looking at."

"Nurse: The doctor will be with you shortly...do you want me to close the door? Me: Do you wanna watch? Nurse: *closes door*"

"Sorry 2015, but I just got out of a year-long relationship with 2014 and I'm not looking for anything serious right now."

"Why was the lions stomach enormous? Because he finally swallowed his pride"

"Why don't witches wear underwear? They have to grip the broom."

"Good cop: If you just let us know where the body is, we'll let you go Bad Batman: Ben Affleck"

"My parrot was hit by a car today His last words were ""Shit, theres a parrot on the road"""

"*prepares to cook vegetarian chili* *spills the beans* Whoa, I suppose you could call that.. *lowers shades with a spatula*.. Kidney failure"

"On the 5th day of Christmas? Christmas is ONE day, Carol. Convert to Judaism if you need a longer holiday."