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Joke of the Day

"On the 5th day of Christmas? Christmas is ONE day, Carol. Convert to Judaism if you need a longer holiday."

"What do Hillary Clinton and The Queen have in common?..... They're both hated by republicans"

"Life is like photography, we develop from the negatives."

"How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side."

"How does the Apothecary make his wife orgasm? Elixir"

"I guess it's time to face the reality that I just do not want to rock and roll all night. Nor do I wish to party eva-ree day."

"""Hey, my face is UP HERE and also OVER HERE"" - woman in Picasso painting"

"Best Jocks https://www.reddit.com/r/Reddit50/comments/3p9d9z/girl_you_remind_me_of_an_alarm_clock/"

"Today I learned that wolves are not ticklish. Tomorrow I need to learn how to tie my shoes with one hand."

"With all of this technology, you would think we would have exercise equipment that simulated scenes from Jurassic Park to actually motivate my ass to run."