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Joke of the Day

"Just Instagramed picture of a dog. Now I will have to eat it."

"I hate double standards. If a woman has sex with loads of men she's a slut. but when i do it that makes me gay?"

"What do you call a religious drug addict? A crystal methodist."

"What Do You Call Bob The Builder When He Retires? Bob."

"I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD and it told me I have Gary Busey."

"I prepare my daughter for disappointment by always giving her the iPad with a 4% charge."

"Everyone on twitter is single, pretending to be single, or about to be single"

"For years I thought hitchhikers were complimenting my driving."

"I almost got my fingers stuck in my cheese grater. It's one of my greater fears."

"The embarrassing moment when you bring handcuffs to 'gamenight' and she brings Monopoly."