198711

Joke of the Day

"My halloween costume this year is a period... I'll show up late and scare the shit out of everyone"

"The most embarrassing thing about mistaking pilates class for pirates class is concealing my musket."

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend. Perfectly regulated office temperatures are a girl's best friend."

"Dad: Why are your eyes red, son? Son: I smoke weed, dad. Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you're a faggot."

"So I walked in to a brothel.. And shortly after entering I began assaulting everyone in the queue...then...umm...shit nevermind, I just punched up the fuckline."

"I make you wet and naked people turn me on. What am I? A shower"

"This guy gave me a free copy of his book today. An actual printed copy! I had no idea they were still doing this kind of thing. It's fancy."

"We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday, for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was ""Michael""."

"What gets less rain than the Sahara Desert? The sun!"

"Some people don't like awkward silences but I do because that's when I think about Thundercats."