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Joke of the Day

"So I walked in to a brothel.. And shortly after entering I began assaulting everyone in the queue...then...umm...shit nevermind, I just punched up the fuckline."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it would be the arrr but it's really the sea."

"I walked up to a girl and said, ""If you were a drug, I would overdose!"" She said, ""Thanks."" I said, ""Then you wouldn't be able to ruin my life any more."""

"If your Dad leaves, just act like you're installing a new screen door. All the Dads of the neighborhood will gather round. Pick your new Dad"

"What's the difference between a gay mustache and a straight mustache? The smell."

"My wife asked me to pass her lipbalm & I gave her superglue by mistake. She's still not talking to me"

"What do you call a pothead with two spliffs? Double jointed"

"I got a flyer in the mail that said ""Get into a new car no questions asked!"" Bullshit... my neighbor still asked WTF I was doing in his BMW."

"I got a handjob from a blind girl and she told me I had the biggest dick she'd ever felt. She was pulling my leg."

"I cracked two jokes earlier about Malaysian Airways. The first got no response and the second crashed and burned."