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Joke of the Day

"BOUNCER: *checking ID* this doesn't look like you CATERPILLAR: *adjusts makeshift wings* its me B: oh yeah? Fly then C: uh *starts sweating*"

"You did not have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up"

"i asked my trainer which machine at the gym i should use to impress the girls... he pointed outside and said "" the ATM machine"" i had 15$'s left though.."

"Where were you born? Boss: Where were you born? Employ: India .. Boss: which part? Employ: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India ."

"What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets the point."

"A guy gets hit on the head by a falling soda can. But he's allright. Guess he was lucky *puts on sunglasses* It was a soft drink #FFFC"

"When I die, I want to go out like my Grandfather... in his sleep... Not like the other passengers in his car!"

"Population Control: Make birth control a psychedelic. You're welcome."

"Rick astley will let you borrow any movie from his collection of Pixar films except one. He's never going to give you Up."

"Turns out that the best way to find a flat head screw driver is to pretend to look for a phillips one."