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Joke of the Day

"A long, romantic kiss... and then - She: I think I swallowed your gum. He: No, I just cleared my throat."

"I bet all the other glues are really jealous of Super Glue."

"Guard dog? Service dog? Yeah, yeah... When earth is invaded by evil aliens that look like pony tail holders, our cat will be a hero."

"I planted all the evidence for evolution once it became clear it did not serve the best interest of My reputation to take credit for you."

"Americans may pull guns but Canadians.... ..may pull leaves."

"I put my middle finger up as soon as I start driving, and if another driver does something really good, I take it down for a second."

"What do you call a bus full of lawyers driving of a cliff? A shame. What do you call an empty seat? A damn shame."

"Anne Boleyn: My love, I wait for but one word from you Henry VIII: New phone who dis Anne: Your wife Henry VIII: Lol which one"

"St. Patrick's Day is like 420 for alcoholics."

"""I was going to attend the clairvoyants meeting..."" ""...but it was canceled due to unforeseen events."""