197922

Joke of the Day

"*guitarist breaks guitar* HELL YEAH *drummer throws drums* YES YES *singer stabs a bunch of guys* OH MY GOD *bassist plants a bomb* STOP"

"What's the best thing about an extremely drunk, angry girlfriend? They don't remember when you smack the ever living shit out of them."

"Have you guys heard about the corduroy pillows? There making head lines. (classic) Edit: goddammit...they're"

"Wives are like grenades... Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!"

"If I am ever in a coma on life support I want my family to unplug me... And then plug me back in. See if that works."

"Wife: (shouting) Stop watching porn.. ... I can hear it in the kitchen Husband:I'm not, it's Sharapova vs Serena... I'm watching tennis"

"Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands. That joke never grows old!"

"My resolution last year was to lose 25 lbs. Anyone know how I can lose 50lbs in an hour and fifteen minutes?"

"Why do Japanese people look so serious in pictures? Last time they saw a flash it destroyed their country"

"What's grey carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill ? A get wellephant !"