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Joke of the Day

"What does Hillary Clinton have in common with a factory-grown chicken? They're both getting beaten by the name of Sanders."

"Daughter saw a photo of me at 18 and asked who the pretty girl was. I told her it was her real mother that died giving birth to her."

"Why did the USAS with frag rounds fall over? Because it was... imbalanced."

"Finally took that warning on the cigarette pack to heart and stopped littering"

"Developers don't spoon their SO They fork them."

"She was Hannah Montana when Bush was president. Thanks, Obama."

"Whenever I'm on twitter I always turn my phone upside down to try and collect spare change from your pockets."

"If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do people with one leg work? IHOP."

"My girlfriend and I decided to make a sex tape. But I came too quickly so we made a Vine. (Saw something similar in a meme so I can't take the credit)"

"I wrote a song about drawing maps, but it never made the charts."