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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I'm on twitter I always turn my phone upside down to try and collect spare change from your pockets."

"I'm going through a phase of categorizing my life in phases. I call this one my 'phase' phase."

"It's so hot hotside... It's so hot outside, I swear I'm sweating more than Josh Duggar at his little sister's birthday party."

"Student: ""May I go to the toilet?"" Teacher: ""What for?"" Student: ""To open the Chamber of Secrets"""

"A lawyer walks into a bar... He passes."

"What did the scientist say when a stranger came inside his lab? What the fuck dude get the hell away from my dog!"

"Why wasn't Michael Jackson healthy? Artificial colouring."

"What do /r/gonewild posters and cat owning redditors have in common? Both show pussy for karma."

"Why did the Hydroxyl molecule blow up the US Mint? It was a Free Radical."

"What do you call a pessimistic pelican? A pelican't."