197566

Joke of the Day

"What did the fish say when it crashed into a wall? Damn! (This is my go-to joke that someone told me in highschool like 7 years ago. Felt like sharing it.)"

"I want to write a tweet that is so offensive that it reduces my followers to zero."

"What's the difference between a princess and a witch? 2 years of marriage."

"""Mary had a little lamb. had."" -wolf"

"A group of kids asked me to make a donation to their school & I was so moved I had to reach in my pocket & slowly pull out my middle finger."

"Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship? They need space."

"Nicholas Cage is the same character in every movie he makes, except Face off where he was John Travolta."

"Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Look for only $87 billion we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet."

"Q: What's Clinton doing to make Americans happy? A: If you've paid your tax bill and have enough money left to feed your family--you're happy."

"French toast is just like regular toast but with a tongue in it"